smelling farts and middle fingers

so two days ago ashley and i hung out during the afternoon and looked at all the old high school blogs that we used to have and it was the funniest shit ever. i mean i was a real bitch in high school. and a complete idiot. i mean some of the stuff that i wrote was very ridiculous/woah is me type stuff.
i mean i guess everyone has their phases...but it's interesting to look back at and think about... mostly because during that time when I was so unhappy and in such a weird stage of my life I was forced into going to counseling. interesting that i was so transparent that my parents could read me like a book. i mean i was obviously crying out for attention like any other angsty teenage girl. but maybe my parents were right and that it was deeper than that.

i guess i'll never know.
somewhere along the lines though i smartened up. started getting my shit together. I don't know what the change was exactly... maybe it was just that i found out that being involved in a bunch of stuff made me that person who i was and that's how i became friends with as many different kinds of people.

i feel like here in johnson there is definitely a variety of kinds of people, but honestly zach put it perfectly last night. "if you're not part of a clique than you don't have friends."

it's so stupid that i feel like it's worse than high school here.

I've decided that i need to get out of vermont. i mean maybe it's like this everywhere. honestly i don't believe that it is. i believe that there has to be somewhere in this country where people are open minded about meeting new people. where people have the balls to hang out with someone new or different from the norm.

another reason why i'm kind of sick of it here is that i just feel like the only time when people actually want to hang out with you is when they "need" you for something. i mean don't get me wrong. i've done my fair share of leaning on my friends when i'm in need of support. but honestly it gets old when it's the same issue over and over again and you pretty much just sound like a broken record.
it's just stupid to me.



OK.

enough complaining.

I started doing this workout thing in my house... basically i run in place and dance and shit for a good half hour to 45 minutes... and then i do my 20 minute ab video.
i've been so sore the last few days! i loooove it.
i'm going to do it as often as possible i think. and i might even up the time eventually.
all i have to say is that my calves are like rock hard right now. and in mad amounts of pain.
but i was being dumb the other day and googled (googled is a verb now. weird.) weightloss tips. and i clicked on this website of this guy who lost 30 pounds in 3 months. now, i wasn't trying to do any of the stuff he was saying to do. BUT i did see the quote "no pain, no gain" and read a little bit of why he put it in there... basically he was like, ya know, the first couple of weeks you won't see that many results but it will get easier and better after that, you just need to make it a lifestyle change.

I think that i've just been all about lifestyle change right now.
which is fine.

we shall see what happens.

my oh my i sure do love coffee.
this is probably one of my favorite things to do now on the weekends. i don't like to have to rush off anywhere for anything. i like to sit in my pjs, my huge comfy sweater, eat my cereal or whatever i decide to have for breakfast, drink a few cups of coffee and blog... or write at all...

anyway... i think that i'm going to be done writing for now and while i'm still waking up i might do some reading. i mean i used to read loads of books. for fun. or for class. regardless i read. and i enjoyed it. and i want to do that again. so i'm going to.

oh and by the way. my cat is the most adorable kitty evvvver :) she likes to sit on my lap while i do whatever i'm doing. so cute.

mmk
i'm out.
later