uggggg

ok so first thing that i'm going to bitch about today is my pipes freezing. yet again. this is the third time this has happened this winter. wtf.
BUT THIS TIME we got a good plumber to come, who actually noticed the problem and is going to fix it.

i guess that there is a leaky pipe that's been leaking...that jeff i guess knew about....asshole... and there's a layer of ice around it now which is what is making things freeze more.
so the plumber is patching it up for now i guess.
fucking jeff needs to fix up this house. big time
blow insulation into the walls where the pipes are. fix the basement so that the pipes won't freeze so often. uggg... its just soo stupid.

so there's that.

secondly i want to blog about how kids nowadays are growing up with false pretenses. we have all these tv shows like 16 and pregnant, or the hills, or laguna beach, or hannah montana...
or whatever it is that kids are watching these days... but seriously. my 15 year old cousin and her friends think that if they wear tons of make-up and dress a certain way and act like little dramatic bitches they will be much cooler than they actually are when they are goofy and fun.
i mean sheeesh! if i ever have kids, which i probably wont, but if i do, i don't want them growing up in a world where they think they get things handed to them. things don't get handed to people.
what happened to basics where people worked for everything they got.

it just seems so stupid to me that people assume that everything will be handed to them on a platter. because that's not how life works.
ESPECIALLY when you're out on your own. people don't hand you things. you work your tail off to get to where YOU want to be. and if you want to be some snazzy supermodel than you'll work to get there. you won't get your way every step.

jeeeez

i'm just mad at the world as of late... its just stupid ya know?

anyway... i'll blog more later....probably about more positive things. but for now i'm done.

weird dream

so i had the weirdest dream last night.

first it started out as though i was going to some band thing....there was the orchestra, the band and then there was another place that was basically like a college setting. I think it was UVM. but anyway....it was during the summer time. I was walking around trying not to step on things because there was so much shit everywhere from people's band instruments and things. anyway. all my high school friends were there. ted, and calvin were in the orchestra, fabian and trevor merchant were filming it... nick g was there with someone else who was very interested in doing my tattoo for me.
they saw sally's new tattoo and criticized it...told her it meant nothing.
ummm
I was hanging out with Sam Martell a lot... we pretty much hung out the entire time.
We were all waiting for rides home and what not because the thing was practically over.
I almost stepped on calvin's bass head.... and then i was blown away by the orchestra's sound...

but basically we were waiting for rides and everyone else's ride came except mine. i had been dropped off by ashley and didn't know how i was getting back to johnson.
so then we ran into Amanda Gifford and family...who was surrounded with like 5 dogs...2 great danes, and the others were muts i think... one might have been an english setter...and his name was luke...which was the same dog that my cousin spencer had...don't know if they still have that dog...

anyway. they had a lot of dogs so naturally i ended up playing with them.
and then got mad carried away with the time... but then sam martell and i were walking around the campus of possibly UVM... and these guys were playing soccer and they were just talking to each other and then all of a sudden one of them was like, "i love summer school, i just looooove summer school" and was being MADDDDD creepy about it.
then we came upon these other people... one of which we literally watched this girl be incredibly mean to her friend who had asked her suuuper politely to do something for her.
well this mean girl i decided was a crazy bully. so i went over and showed her the right way to do things...then she like freaked out and started going after me kind of but i just like pushed her out of my way as if it wasn't anything.
Sam Martell was freaking out the whole time because she thought the girl was going to go after her for some reason... i didn't get it.

then we went around the corner of the building only to find that bully girl aimlessly throwing empty beer bottles. for some reason Sam and i both knew that if we didn't move quickly she was going to throw bottles at Sam. anyway... then we got around the corner and Sam was freaking out and i think that for the first time i had realized that she had been like popping pills this whole time and was now legit FREAKING out...and almost hyperventilating. so i didn't know what to do then someone came over... i don't remember who, but someone came over to me and was like, Sam can't take pills...they make her seriously crazy... they fuck her up... so i immediately went over to sam and started sticking my finger down her throat to make her puke them up.

so whoever it was that let me in on that secret also was helping me make her puke... she puked 3 times...and every time an entire pill came out... so it was definitely good that we did it when we did. then the advice giver disappeared. no one was really there anymore...everyone had pretty much gone home and Amanda was still facilitated rides home. She told us that Sam's mom was coming soon and that I needed to find a ride home. She suggested with some Patti girl... I didn't know them... but they seemed nice enough.

So they were leaving so I was getting all of my stuff together and I realized that I had left some of my dishes in the cupboards... and i definitely needed them for some reason...so i went to get them. All my dishes were pink... and i was missing only cups...when i went in the cupboard the entire thing was filled with pink cups so i just took a bunch...but made sure they fit well together so that i could transport them easier.

then i went back and the vehicle was gone... i had no idea how i was going to get back to johnson and then my dad pulled up.
my dad... in a beaten to hell purple mini van that looked like it was about to fall apart at any given second. pulls up... and goes MICHELE! Get in the car. we have to go. you have a dentist appointment that you're going to be late for!!! and was all angry about it.. at the same time Amanda, Paul, and a few kids came barrelling through with all the dogs... there must have been like 6 by that point... and they were all big dogs... so naturally i started playing with them...and then one of them escaped... and i started freaking out so i went to go get it... well when i went to get it all the other dogs started escaping... it was a domino effect. the whole time amanda and paul were just doing some work on the garden or something and didn't realize at all what was going on. it was really weird...

OH YEAH!! and before the dog shit started happening... when i was leaving with patti i remember that there was like a line up of vehicles but a good portion of them were like insane asylum vehicles hauling crazies off to the mental institution... and then following them were these big tank like vehicles that these army guys were driving and they were being told to hurry and stuff.. and i think that's when i knew i needed to get out of the car... it was really fucked up.

so anyway... i was trying to get the dogs to come back to me and it was taking forever... and amanda and paul didn't care at all... so finally after a lot of work we got all the dogs back in the warehouse... but we had a problem...the warehouse had a hole right next to the door that some could sneak out of... and so i had to make sure to fix that... but i was sooo confused on how to fix it...once dad told me it was fine though i left it.

he was in the warehouse making sure that all the dogs stayed put. while i went to find Dane...the grey Great Dane...that looked identical to Sam Wimble's great dane, Ridge. anyway... when i turned around i saw dad open the door and all these little daschund puppies came running out. and i like FREAKED THE FUCK OUT!!! i was like, oh my god. i want one. can i take one home? and then i just remember going in the warehouse to find dad..and finding baby animals everywhere...when i left the warehouse dad INSISTED that i get in the van and go to my dentist appointment.
and i was like, but i don't have dental insurance! and he was like, well i just got my taxes back so you don't have to worry about it.
and then i got in the car...and then i woke up.

how weird of a dream eh??
imma analyze it later... i have to go to work... bleck!

smelling farts and middle fingers

so two days ago ashley and i hung out during the afternoon and looked at all the old high school blogs that we used to have and it was the funniest shit ever. i mean i was a real bitch in high school. and a complete idiot. i mean some of the stuff that i wrote was very ridiculous/woah is me type stuff.
i mean i guess everyone has their phases...but it's interesting to look back at and think about... mostly because during that time when I was so unhappy and in such a weird stage of my life I was forced into going to counseling. interesting that i was so transparent that my parents could read me like a book. i mean i was obviously crying out for attention like any other angsty teenage girl. but maybe my parents were right and that it was deeper than that.

i guess i'll never know.
somewhere along the lines though i smartened up. started getting my shit together. I don't know what the change was exactly... maybe it was just that i found out that being involved in a bunch of stuff made me that person who i was and that's how i became friends with as many different kinds of people.

i feel like here in johnson there is definitely a variety of kinds of people, but honestly zach put it perfectly last night. "if you're not part of a clique than you don't have friends."

it's so stupid that i feel like it's worse than high school here.

I've decided that i need to get out of vermont. i mean maybe it's like this everywhere. honestly i don't believe that it is. i believe that there has to be somewhere in this country where people are open minded about meeting new people. where people have the balls to hang out with someone new or different from the norm.

another reason why i'm kind of sick of it here is that i just feel like the only time when people actually want to hang out with you is when they "need" you for something. i mean don't get me wrong. i've done my fair share of leaning on my friends when i'm in need of support. but honestly it gets old when it's the same issue over and over again and you pretty much just sound like a broken record.
it's just stupid to me.



OK.

enough complaining.

I started doing this workout thing in my house... basically i run in place and dance and shit for a good half hour to 45 minutes... and then i do my 20 minute ab video.
i've been so sore the last few days! i loooove it.
i'm going to do it as often as possible i think. and i might even up the time eventually.
all i have to say is that my calves are like rock hard right now. and in mad amounts of pain.
but i was being dumb the other day and googled (googled is a verb now. weird.) weightloss tips. and i clicked on this website of this guy who lost 30 pounds in 3 months. now, i wasn't trying to do any of the stuff he was saying to do. BUT i did see the quote "no pain, no gain" and read a little bit of why he put it in there... basically he was like, ya know, the first couple of weeks you won't see that many results but it will get easier and better after that, you just need to make it a lifestyle change.

I think that i've just been all about lifestyle change right now.
which is fine.

we shall see what happens.

my oh my i sure do love coffee.
this is probably one of my favorite things to do now on the weekends. i don't like to have to rush off anywhere for anything. i like to sit in my pjs, my huge comfy sweater, eat my cereal or whatever i decide to have for breakfast, drink a few cups of coffee and blog... or write at all...

anyway... i think that i'm going to be done writing for now and while i'm still waking up i might do some reading. i mean i used to read loads of books. for fun. or for class. regardless i read. and i enjoyed it. and i want to do that again. so i'm going to.

oh and by the way. my cat is the most adorable kitty evvvver :) she likes to sit on my lap while i do whatever i'm doing. so cute.

mmk
i'm out.
later

Coffee, Cereal, and Blogging.

I just watched a documentary about the business of marijuana. It was very intriguing. I think that I was more interested in what they had to say about hemp than anything. There are soooo many uses for hemp that it's amazing. It makes me want to start being a little more practical about the things that I buy. I'm already a pretty conscientious person when it comes to most foods and medicines that I'm putting in my body (I say as I sip my ridiculously caffeinated beverage), but I really want to start being more aware of EVERYTHING that I'm using. I want everything I do to be a little bit more natural. Again, I say all of this while sitting in front a computer, drinking loads of coffee....haha... well, at least I buy organic coffee??
:)

The problem with doing this is that it takes a lot of time. It takes a ton of time to make all your foods from scratch. It takes time to wash all the cloths you use versus using paper towels. It takes time to make the jewelry that you wear. Get my point??
Well on top of all the time that I would want to be doing those sorts of things I need to have a job. A full time job. That pays well enough so that I can get all of the materials to live the way I want to live. That means that if I'm going to grow my own food year round I need to buy the pots and the heat lamps to help those plants grow indoors during the winter because I live in an EXTREMELY cold state... even though it's been warm enough lately for things to start melting...in january...rare.
Regardless, buying those things costs money. In order to have money you need to have a job. And in order to have that job it will take precious time out of your schedule where you could be doing other things like helping plants grow, raising animals, making everything from scratch.

Yes. I know I sound like a raging hippie right now. It kind of goes along with the fact that I live in Johnson.

My point is our society doesn't really allow for these things to happen completely anymore. Because of all of this technology everything has risen. EVERYTHING. We've grown up thinking that we need all of these material things to help us survive when we really don't. They are nice, and I use them frequently, but they aren't a necessity.

And this is why I loved my ethics course. I could debate these things for HOURS with people in that class. I was taking that class in St. Albans, which I feel is a very consumerist society in comparison to Johnson. Everyone in that class would then never fail to call me a hypocrite because I use technology, I buy things from Walmart sometimes, and I take advantage of the material goods I have. Honestly though, it's only because I've grown up with those things, and in order to get to where I want to be I need to be a little more settled in my life. College is not really the best time to achieve your goals of becoming a naturalist. Especially when you're paying for school yourself.

Anyway.

I think I'm done my rant for now... but I thought that it was definitely an interesting documentary. If anyone wants to watch it it's called, "The Union: Business Behind Getting High." It's on the insta-netflix so you can just go and watch it. It's pretty long though so make sure you have some time to spare before just turning it on.

mmk.
outtie for now.

Cleaning out the Closet.

Hey. So i'm doing the dishes. then i will be getting my laundry together. i'm then going to suds. then i'll put the laundry away. Then. i'll be cleaning everything out of my room. THEN. i'll be going through all of my old stuff and getting rid of stuff. i'm going to downsize. and then. i'll be packing up my christmas stuff and figuring out what to do with my dying christmas tree... ha... although. i might keep the lights in the window...maybe... i think they look pretty.

so i went out with tasha and met her friend dan the other night. he seems like a nice guy. he didn't talk much. he seems much too shy for my liking...but honestly i wasn't into talking friday night either. i was ALLLLL about dancing... hahahahha all about it. that's pretty much all i did all night long. but it was a long night. we left my house at 8 and i didn't get home until 3:30? i think... we to the rustic tavern in lowell first... there was a band playing... and that was interesting. it was filled with people that tasha went to high school with. then we went up to bar in barton. that's where we met up with dan... by then i was drunk. and there was a dj. and me drunk plus a dj=me dancing. a lot. but anyway. it was a good time. then dan invited us to go to his friend's house party...that was at like 1ish??? so we stayed there for awhile. and then we brought danielle home, then me... then i passed out...and slept until 11 when ashley and kyle were pounding on my door to wake me up to see if i wanted to go to breakfast with them.

so yeah yesterday i woke up.. got ready to peace. went to breakfast with ashley, kyle, sam, and brett in jeffersonville...then from there i went to burlington and taught a photography workshop to little 4-Hers haha. i probably sounded like an idiot because i was exhausted and kept yawning...hahah.. oh well. then i didn't get home until about 5:45...i was supposed to do laundry with ashley but she didn't have her phone on her so i was editing photos for awhile. then i finally text cristine to see what she was up to and turned out she was at kyle's with ash. so i went over there for awhile. then from there we went to ashley's and cristine, ash and i played soulmate games all night...hahaha lame i know. but it was fun at least. ashley and i were being seriously stupid. which obviously made it that much more fun.

and now we're at today.

emily comes home today. it will be weird to have her back after not having anyone here for a month. it's been very peaceful... but i guess all good things have to come to an end. haha. just kidding. i'm very hopeful that this semester will bring better things for em and i. i hope. if not i will go about doing my own thing and she'll go about doing hers.

someone with having a snowball fight or something with their kid outside my room and they keep hitting the house. and it's REALLLLLY fucking annoying.

so i got a job offer from jpmorgan chase. i don't know what to do about that. i think i might take it. then i could go live in burlington when my lease is up here... be close to everything i want to be close to. i don't know. i'm so confused about the job thing. i think i'm going to see if i can keep the job at immigration with just a couple hours a week and do the jpmorgan job full time. i don't know.

uggggg
i wanted options. now i have them and i don't know what to do with them.

i thought i had it figured out...but who the fuck knows now.

oh well... things will work out. hopefully for the best. but who knows.

anywhoo stuff to do but i wanted to update the world on my life.

later all.

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

Howard Thurman

GRRR

So CCV is realllllly annoying right now.

They say things will get done and they don't. They tell me that it will work out. But it's not.
I am soooo fed up with this school shit right now.


ok. good. that's out.

So yesterday I went to visit with Tasha and see her little man Trent!!! He's the cutest little baby in the world!!! He's got grey eyes that look like they have a bluish tint to them. They are BEAUTIFUL!!! So yeah her and I got to have good conversation, catch up.
Tasha is someone I know that no matter where I'm at in life her and I will always stay good friends. She's just one of those people. Her and Cara.
Anyway. While talking the fact that I have no boyfriend got brought up. Basically right now at this point in my life I'm not looking for a serious relationship. Something fun would be nice, but nothing that's gonna make me even want to think about if I could stay with said person for any amount of time.
ANNNYWAY. Tasha always has the bright idea of fixing me up with friends of hers. The last friend that she introduced me to was not at all someone that I would ever even have thought to hook up with. This time she's introducing me to a farmer. haha. farmer Dan. hahahhaha that's probably what I'll end up calling him.
Basically she and some of her friends are going out on Friday night and now she's invited me and has told him about it to so apparently we're gonna meet on Friday night. go out. to a bar. either in Lowell or Barton... both of which are not very close to me.
Now ok... I'm not someone who judges someone solely on looks but you and I both know that in order to have any sort of connection with a person you have to be at least a little bit attracted to them. So I had her tell him to send a picture of himself to her. So last night she sent it to me... and he's not bad... not too terrible anyway. Could be worse. hahah
But also it's a cell phone picture and those usually suck balls anyway. SO we'll see how it goes on Friday! hahaha

What else is new in my life....

not much.

I'm just fed up with CCV right now.

anywhoo I think I'm done for now. I might come on and post more stuff later... but who knows.

“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”

Ashley Smith quotes

Negative out, Postive in.

So over this break I've done a lot of reflection on my life, including all the people surrounding me in my life. I've come to realize that there are a lot of people that I would just rather not surround myself with anymore. People that don't respect what I want to do with my life. People that could care less about anyone but themself. Generally, just people that are down right negative. I'm going to try to remove as much of the negativity from my life as possible.
I found that life is really only what you want it to be. If you want to be wallowing in self-pity then you're going to be doing just that. Well I'm done with that.
It takes a toll on the body to do that.

It's weird but I want to start over. I'm going to strip my house and clean all of the clutter out of my life. Get rid of things that aren't needed and also get rid of things that have negative memories attached to them. It's weird to think that I have all this stuff and don't use a whole lot of it, but a good portion of it definitely has memories attached and that's the only reason why I'm holding onto it.

Anyway.

On a different note. I drove out to Potsdam yesterday to get my transcripts to make sure that I will have all my school stuff taken care of this semester.
OH. that's the other thing. I NEED to be better with my money. seriously. it's disgusting. I've done nothing but throw it all away soooo quickly it's outrageous.
I'm going to start limiting myself to going out to eat only on the weekends. Meaning. no picking up food for lunch while I'm at work anymore. The only thing that I'm going to give myself le-way on is coffee breaks. I will spend $2 a day on a coffee at the store. that's it. no snacks. If I want snacks I'm going to start bringing them to work with me. I think doing that will make me MUCH happier and healthier. Rather than going to the store and picking up a bag of chips or pretzels or something I'll bring peppers, or celery or something like that to work.

Another thing I kind of want to just briefly touch on in this post... I've gone to see Avatar twice now. I've really enjoyed it both times, and honestly I think it is a reallllly moving film. I mean it definitely hit home with me. A few of my friends that saw it though only really thought about the silly things in the movie that weren't the actual message. I know that my cousin, Hannah, and I are on the same page about this movie though. I really want to work on my spirituality. And no. I'm not talking about God. I don't believe in all that Christian stuff. If you do, great. but, I don't.
I believe that there is a higher power that makes things happen for specific reasons that we might not know about. Sometimes those things might suck. BUT what it's really all about is what you do for yourself. How can you make yourself better and also more aware of everything that around you.

I might go into hippie talk for a minute, but think about. Really just think. Everything on this planet has a purpose. NOTHING is purposeless. And if there is anything that doesn't have a purpose it is something that is man made and completely unnatural.

I'm not saying get rid of ALL technology and I'm not saying go live in the woods, but I am saying that I think that the human race needs to get back to basics a little more. I think that with all this technology comes cost. And with cost come greed. And with greed comes hate. And hate is not something that people want in their lives.

Anyway...

I think that's enough ranting for the day. I have to go and bring my transcripts to Montpelier now. uggg... another 3 hours out of my day...


“Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live.”

being lazy

so here i am sitting at my new computer LOVING it.
BUT i've been downloading music...which takes time... and in the times when i'm waiting for music to download i've been on facebook. ALLL day. which is so insane. ridiculous. stupid. LAZY!!

although it did make me realize something really important. I was going through all of my photos and everything from way back...and I was looking through them and i used to be sooo incredibly happy all the time. about everything. i don't know when that stopped. i wonder if it ended after addison and i broke up?? i don't think so... because when i was an RA i was SUPER happy almost all the time... maybe it was being an RA that did it.... i mean that job takes a toll on you... that was the first semester of college that i got below a B in a class and didn't care. which is not ok.
I've always been a very good student and always been on top of things and have always worked really hard but have also known how to have a good time.

i think that i need to get back there somehow.

i will say that between the year i was and RA and now i've probably gone even further downhill though because i've had sooooo much shit happen to me in life too... my point is. i'm done being a downer. I wish therapists weren't so expensive cause i would go see one weekly... but honestly what i need to do right now is get back into the things that i really love. volunteering, horseback riding, music, possibly theater... writing, knitting, cooking.

i'm going to get back into all of those things. or as many as i can.

i mean here's the thing.
i know that i have to have a full time job. that's fine. I think what needs to happen is i need to start thinking about it as though i don't have a choice. I HAVE TO GO! (which in reality i do have to go to pay my bills but i don't want to look at it like that)

the thing is when i was in high school and when i was in school full time i had structure to my life. and it was structure that wasn't something that i really needed to think about. the fact that i'm putting in so much thought into why i don't want to go to work everyday is ridiculous.

i mean i go to school as well but because i'm only part time it's not as easy to keep that structure.

i think that with that structure too i might also be able to lose some weight...which is a big thing for me right now... i don't know how i've gained as much as i have in less than a year... it's disgusting. i'm honestly disgusted by myself.

i'm debating on whether i should get a wii fit or get a gym membership.... or if i have the money to get both... mostly because gyms are only open so often and honestly going to a gym when you are grossly overweight is never fun for anyone.
and actually a gym membership runs out...

OK
it's decided. i'm going to get a wii fit... and i'm going to start working out that way first... also that way if i can't for some reason get to a gym in time before it closes i'll still have my little wii fit at home.

which also means that i'm going to move the tv into my room... which also means that i can re-arrange my house... which is always fun

but first i need to clean...

also i think that i need to be outside more often.

i need to go for walks.
anywhere.
which is kind of why i hate living in johnson...there's not really places to walk to... although maybe i'll just go out sometime and take my camera or something... and a friend and just go for a walk in the snow and work on my photography.

i also think that i need to stop worrying about things so much. i don't think i worried this much in high school. because i've had to grow up so quick i think that i've taken on a more motherly role...when in all actuality i don't really want to be a mother... i don't know if i ever want to be a mother. i like to interact with kids. and teach them which is where the 4-h part comes into play but other than that... i want to be more selfish... i think i was selfish in high school. and i was SUUUPER competitve... about EVERYTHING... which i know that gets annoying. so i've def had to tone that down a bit...even though i'm still very competitive.

all in all....i think i want to just live my life the way my dad lived his. happy. not caring about silly things that don't matter.

kind of like this roommate situation i'm in right now. i don't think that i'm going to care about it anymore.
i'm going to live
if emily and benton are here. then they're here. it will probably take some work to get there but i don't want to feel uncomfortable around people anymore.
i never used to. what the hell happened??

anyway..

this post was more of a pep talk to myself... sorry :/

Finally got it figured out.

So I've finally gotten my new computer.

I'm pretty ridiculously obsessed with it right now. Only problem is my stupid internet connection in my house SUCKS!!! haha that's what happens when you steal internet from someone :)

Had a Relay meeting tonight. That went well. I'm kind of starting to get excited about it. at the same time though... I'm not looking forward to being an emotional wreck again...

the one thing that I hate about this computer is that I don't have ANY of my music on here... it's upsetting really... I'm listening to Pandora right now because I literally can't not have music when I'm on the computer.

hmm...

I'm debating right now if I'm going to go into work early tomorrow or not... I really want to get my house cleaned...mostly because it's literally disgusting right now... that... and it's already past midnight. So pretty much even if I wanted to go in early at this point I wouldn't be able to because I'd sleep too late.

Oh well.

I have a business meeting for the 4-H club tomorrow :)

that's always fun.

anywhooo..

again just wanted to quick update. that's pretty much all there is for right now.

no big news besides the computer.
:)

later folks.

"you know there's something, troubling, troubling my mind."

Snowy Days.

So I'm finally getting my new computer.

it's weird to have a computer for soooo long and then one day have it be completely dead. it's not ok.

anyway.

i'm getting a macbook. i'm excited.

i'm actually using my cousin's macbook right now. it's a good thing that i'm pretty used to them by now because i kind of have to be.

anyway...

i just wanted to do a quick update...

it's suuuper snowy in the northern Vermont.

I want to go skiing

i also want wii fit.

mmk.

i'm done for now. i'll update more regularly when i have my own computer :)

later ya'll!!!

“Intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death”

Albert Einstein quotes