hello everyone.
welcome to my blog.
I think that I'm mostly just going to be writing about the happenings of my life... new recipes I find... and my progress throughout school.
I may venture into politics every now and again...
All in all I just wanted this first post to be a welcome. And to tell anyone who's reading to follow me on Twitter for more consistent updates.
Now.
A little background information on myself.
I was born in Newburgh, NY... but don't remember much about it there... Moved to Vermont when I was 4 years old and started kindergarten that year.... everything in my life was changing.
When I was in 2nd grade my parents had a pretty ugly divorce... my mom is mentally ill and my dad fought for custody of my sister (who's five years older than I) and I. We lived with my mom for another year or so then finally my dad got custody. At the end of my 3rd grade year he remarried and my sister and I went to live with our "new family" in St. Albans, VT. There were 6 of us in that household...no one wanted to get along. It was a rough start.
We managed to make it through all the obstacles that presented themselves and created an overall happy family.
Now, mind you, our family is not even close to perfect. There have been SOOOO many issue in our family that I'm not even going to get into... but basically just know that we are no where near the "perfect" family...whatever that means.
Our family has been through many many rollercoasters. I think that the biggest rollercoaster any of us had been through was my dad's cancer. I will warn you that I may, in future posts, refer back to dad's cancer and weird things, but I will always try to at least explain myself when they come up.
Basically my dad got diagnosed with Melanoma in 2000. He had it in his eye...which is SUUUUPER rare for adults to get that, but of course, my dad was nothing short of rare.
He had his eye removed in 2001 and then had to go back to Philadelphia every year for the next 5 years... but it never did come back. Throughout all of this I started to make myself more aware of his disease. I did a project on it in my health class my freshman year of highschool, I started participating in Relay for Life, I asked him questions about it.
anyway, my point is....he was a survivor. it was wonderful. we wouldn't have to worry about it again.
except we did. of course... when i say that my dad was rare...lordy did I mean it!
After going through many many many stupid arguments with my dad and step-mom I had decided to move out of the house in June 2008... I made that decision in April...
In May 2008 we found out that my dad had a spot of cancer on his ear... so he got that removed, did some testing and the doctors said that it was all gone.
The house that I was supposed to move into in June was disgusting... it wasn't nearly that bad when my friends and I went to look at it...but when I went to move in... ew. that's all there is to say really... there were holes in the walls the size of me, beer cans everywhere, the bathroom looked like it had shit growing in it... it was just disgusting... needless to say this postponed my move. My friends and I started looking at other places and one day I got a phone call from CIS saying that I had gotten the student co-op job...well I didn't want to take it at first but with some persuading from my parents I decided to give up on the idea of moving out for awhile, go back to school and work full time there. Turns out my decision was a good one.
I ended up being able to buy a car later that summer... started classes at CCV in the fall and was having a pretty good time.
By the time October came around my dad was not feeling well and he had been going to the doctors to try to figure out what was wrong.
We celebrated Halloween and mine and my step-sister's birthdays as usual... Halloween was a BLAST, and then I went to visit my friend Sarah in MA for my birthday.
Then a few weeks later on November 19th, it was like any other day... dad was going into the doctors for some more scans and tests and things... and we continued to wait to hear about results... I had work and then class so I was gone all day. When I got home from class I went in the living room and my step-mom went upstairs while dad and I continued talking about school. When I was finished talking about school he outright said, "Michele, I'm dying"
now, if you knew anything about my dad you would be right there with me and have said, "HA ha, very funny dad, what's really wrong??"
and then the look on his face dropped completely... and I immediately knew he was kidding... but the words didn't really sink in... he wasn't really dying... he was just saying that just in case... ok so the cancer had come back... that doesn't mean he's dying... he's fought it twice already he'll make it through again. I mean he has to.
But no.
That wasn't the case.
He went on to tell me that he had cancer in his liver, his lungs and his stomach, and that the doctors had said that he could live anywhere from 3 weeks to 3 months. Well that was just not ok with me... and is still not...
Anyway... I would go into more detail but I don't think I can at the moment... But I will tell you this. When you get news like that... you remember EVERY detail. Every movement. Every facial expression. Its like time stopped when we were having that conversation. And then after that conversation it seemed like my life was in fast forward... everything went sooo quickly that I don't remember what day was what.
So that happened... right before Thanksgiving nonetheless. Then of course all the people....there were soooo many people that just wanted to come see him...but the chemo literally killed him. Within the first few days of the chemo he couldn't even lift himself out of bed. Which mind you...its not like he was an old, feeble, man. No. He was a 49 year old man who ran marathons and stayed out until 1am every weekend. He was not some weak guy.
But I truly believe that if he hadn't done the chemo he would've lived longer.
I do believe that chemo works in some circumstances. But this was too much.
Anyway. Within 5 weeks he passed away. On Christmas Eve at 3am he passed away. I had slept on the floor of my parents room that night right next to their bed where he was... and I hadn't ever needed to do that before... and that night I just felt that I needed to.
And now it's been a year and I still can't believe that he's gone. Everything just seems so surreal.
After that my step-mom and I couldn't be around each other.
I moved out at the end of February into an apartment in St. Albans, with hopes to move up to Johnson in the summer.
Well all went according to plan. I found a cute little place in St. A for awhile with a WONDERFUL roommate... and while that was going on still going up to visit Johnson and my friends there and eventually decided on moving into a place up there.
Anyway.
I've been here now for about 6 months now... Dad's been dead for almost a full year now... and nothing seems real.
I think that it's for now... I'm going to write another post relatively soon to describe to you all of the trials and tribulations of my work experiences... and then I'll also write about my volunteer work, which I do a lot of...
I plan to relate a good portion of this to what is going to happen with Relay because it is a big part of my life now... and I hope that it will stay that way.
"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment."
Buddha
